17 May, 2011


hello! i'm back!!

i took an unintentional break, and it was fantastic!!

life got really crazy for a few weeks, and i just needed a break from the world.

the crazies:

i had my IUD removed and went back on the pill. my horrible, almost-daily cramps were gone instantly and haven't come back since. it's been awesome!!! but i've been really bloated since too. it's gone down some, but i know it'll be a little while 'til i feel "normal" again. my clothes literally fit me perfectly one day and didn't fit me the next. not fun. silver lining to all this: my boobs have been HUGE, and i love it! this is such a novelty for my A-cup self!

levi got a new job! that was probably the most uprooting change of all. it was 100% a GREAT thing, but it took a lot out of us. we've been completely exhausted. and we've been a little bit scared. he's getting paid in a completely different way now, and that change will probably end up improving our finances significantly... but at first, it feels very unstable. and scary.

i accompanied levi on a business trip to paso robles. he was teaching a class for his side job. it was a very quick trip. we drove up on sunday, he taught the class on monday morning, and we drove home monday afternoon. on the way up and back, we stopped in santa barbara, which was really nice. except on the way back, i all the sudden came down with the flu and a fever. thennnnn as we were driving home, our car broke down. it just stopped on the freeway. at night. in the rain. levi was able to get us over to the right shoulder, but it was in a very dark spot on a curve right next to a guard rail. cars were flying by us soooooo fast. some were going over the divider line. i was so terrified. we had to sit there and wait for over an hour. i really thought we could die. we got our car towed off the freeway and ended up stranded for a couple hours. my brother came to get us, and we left the car there. the next day, while i was sick on the couch, levi and my brother went back to get the car with a u-haul trailer. by the third day, it was fixed! it all turned out well, but it was very draining, very stressful, and very scary.

i took my flu and the car madness as an opportunity to check out for a few days. i didn't work. i didn't blog. i didn't open my laptop. i read and did puzzles in the newspaper. i went for walks. i met levi for lunch. i did some yoga. i rested. and most importantly, i took a break from worrying too.

i never want to worry again. it's exhausting and draining. it's counterproductive. it's poisonous and toxic. and i can't do it anymore. obviously, there will always be stressful things, and you have to react to stressful situations, but you don't have to turn those scenarios over and over again in your head to the point where you truly believe any possible outcome will be the worst thing to ever happen in the history of the world. obviously i'm exaggerating a little, but just a little.

so now that i've had a taste of what it's like to go through a few days without worrying, i want more. i feel like i have a better understanding of how to avoid worrying. but even as i sit here typing this, i'm feeling anxiety over my job bubbling up. i have to quell that anxiety. you hear that, anxiety? you're not welcome here anymore! go away!!!

alright, so that was my little rambling for today. the morals of the story:

1. anxiety = bad
2. bigger boobs = good ;)
3. if you're stressed and exhausted and you find an opportunity to take a break, GRAB IT and hold onto it for as long as you can.
4. i missed you. :)


  1. Glad you're back, lady. And I hear you a THOUSAND times over re: anxiety/worrying. Oh, do. I. Ever!!

  2. Glad you're back! And I'm glad you're ok, we have been in a similar situation on the highway and it's terrible. I have really bad anxiety too, so I feel you on that. I take it one day at a time, and when it's a good day and I can finally breathe, I try not to waste it :)

  3. i was just thinking i hadn't seen a post from you in a while! glad you took some time off, you deserve it.

  4. My anxiety/worry is almost crippling. It does indeed suck. I finally discovered "real" yoga (in a class, not on a video) and it changed my life. First time my brain has ever felt 'normal' that I can recall! I can't wait to go again tomorrow.

    So glad you are feeling better! "Checking out" every so often is good for the soul.

  5. welcome back to both you and your lovely, calming, wise words!

  6. Welcome back! Glad to hear you are feeling better. I hear ya on the bloat...happened to me too when I went back on the pill. I agree. Anxiety=BAD!!!!!! I'm so looking forward to my upcoming break!

  7. très heureuse de te revoir ici!

  8. Oh man. You're still having issues with the post iud? Ack. Stupid birth control. It's a no win situation in my book.

    p.s that sounds like one hell of a week. Glad you took a break, but I missed your humor. :)

  9. I hate how it takes like a month to get used to birth control. That seriously sounds like such a stressful time. I hate having car problems, let alone being stranded in the rain on the freeway. We signed up for AAA because I can't handle that kind of worrying.

  10. agrreed! anxiety = very very bad

    it sounds like you had a really crazy few days, but it also seems like you have alot of new things to look foward to.

    p.s congrats on the bigger boobs!!! that is always a plus :) hehe

  11. amen. worrying sucks. Glad things are on the upswing.


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