31 August, 2012

Oh, Pregnancy.

Hello! Remember me? I'm the one who used to update this blog with posts. Hi, how've you been?

I have not disappeared, and nothing's wrong. I just don't have much to say anymore... or I don't know how to say it. I'm not sure. Every time I start to write something or I take a picture, I end up not liking it  and giving up. Let's just blame it on pregnancy brain and the fact that I'm in my third trimester during a heat wave that is slowly sucking the life out of me. I hate heat. HATE IT. Always have, always will.

I am now 30+ weeks pregnant... 

30 weeks
(by the way, these are basically the only three outfits I wear anymore... nothing fits!)

Less than ten weeks 'til my due date!! We're still waiting to find out if I'll have to have a C-section due to a few little things going on, so our daughter could potentially be here in just under nine weeks (that's just insane). I'm really not worried about the prospect of having to have a C-section. I don't care about the method of childbirth as long as it's the safest way to get this baby girl out. I really can't wait to meet her. I wish she could come today... but there's still SO much to do that it's good to have this little bit of remaining time.

I've been pretty stressed and somewhat miserable. These are some other reasons my online presence has dwindled over the last few months. If I were blogging or tweeting more right now, most of the things coming out of my mouth would probably be complaints. I'm just not a big fan of being pregnant! I know some women absolutely love it and feel fantastic... I wish I was one of those women, but I'm just not. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I am SO much slower now in every way (physically and mentally), and I find this really frustrating. My body hurts all the time. It's amazing to me that I can wake up with feet that feel like they've spent the last 12 hours walking around Disneyland! How is that possible?? And my entire back hurts constantly. On the bright side, my insurance covers visits to the chiropractor (which includes pre-natal massage!!!!). This has been SUCH a huge blessing and has helped me so much. I go every week. And every time I'm in that office, I praise God for the opportunity. Every pregnant woman should get to have weekly adjustments and massage.

As far as stress goes... ugh. I won't get into it too much. Levi and I are just really really struggling financially. We're behind on everything, and there are so many things we still need to feel prepared for the baby. We're really trying to keep baby stuff to the minimum, but we still need things in other parts of our life in order for this transition to go smoothly. I feel like I'm in nesting/preparation mode without the ability or means to nest and prepare, and it's frustrating. My ever-expanding body also stresses me out. I feel so fat, and I keep worrying that I'll never get to wear any of my cute clothes again. This sounds so trivial and ridiculous, but it really does trouble me. "Will I ever be skinny again???" runs through my head several times a day.

Even though I probably sound really negative right now, I'm still very hopeful that everything will work out. God always provides for us. Always always always. And this time won't be any different. Our faith is being tested in major ways, but I know it's not for nothing. I know God is doing something in us right now - training us, preparing us, protecting us, teaching us. I'm not sure what exactly He's got going on, but I know He's up to something. And that's really exciting to think about. And I know that no matter what happens between now and little Miss Myers's birthday, I'm going to have a beautiful, perfect daughter at the end of this. I'm going to be a mother, and Levi will be a father. And we are going to kick ASS at those jobs. I can't wait to see how this changes us. I can't wait to see what we do. I can't wait to see Levi holding his baby for the first time. I already know that my love for him will grow exponentially watching him become a father, and that thrills me beyond words. I'm really excited to fall in love with my daughter, but I might be even more excited to fall in love more deeply with my husband and to see how this strengthens our marriage.

I can't wait to become a little family of three. Three is a great number. I think we're gonna really like it.

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