31 August, 2011


Hello! I'm still not in a very "bloggy" place right now, but I did want to pop in and say hello and give a little update. So, last post I said that we needed to move to get rid of a lot of stress in our lives. I can't really explain what that means because I don't know who reads my blog, but I will say that it's mostly to do with noise and vandalism. Our home doesn't feel like a retreat. Instead of going home to relax and de-stress, it feels like our home is actually making us anxious and stressed out.

We ended up finding an apartment that I completely fell in love with. It was exactly what we were looking for, so we applied. And we didn't get it. This was pretty heartbreaking to me. We had to wait four days to find out (which felt like an eternity), and I really got my hopes up. It felt like it was my fault that we didn't get it because I don't have good credit (I really screwed up when I was younger... getting my first credit card at 18 is one of my hugest regrets).

So, I came up with a new game plan. As much as I wanted to move and get a fresh start in a quieter, more peaceful place, I never felt sure that we were doing the right thing. Usually, I have a really good gut feeling when something is right or wrong for me... not that moving is necessarily a matter of right or wrong, but this time it felt like it was. I decided that the right thing for us right now was to stay put, make the best of the place we're in, and make some plans for the future. The night we found out we didn't get the apartment, we completely redecorated our bathroom (actually, we didn't really redecorate... it was never decorated to begin with), and we're planning on redoing the living room too. We want to make this place as peaceful and as relaxing as possible. We also decided to get away for the weekend to Cambria. I found a really great hotel deal and booked it. The prospect of some peace and quiet made us both feel really hopeful.

Sooooo, there's more. Last Tuesday was the day we found out we didn't get the apartment and the day I decided we needed to stay put. On Thursday night, Levi lost his job.

I completely FREAKED out. Like I felt like I lost my mind and like I needed to go to an asylum. I was so terrified, but one of the first things I thought was, "Thank you, God that we didn't get that apartment." Randomly, we had plans that night with someone in the hair industry. She had actually been wanting to talk to Levi about a future prospect. It felt like God had lined it all up perfectly. Too bad I never feel like that in the moment... instead, I lose my mind and freak out.

Levi found a new salon to work at the very next day. The rent is $200 per week cheaper, and it's even closer to our house than the last salon. It's a temporary spot because he has something incredible in the works that we're hoping and praying works out by the end of the year.

Since he was able to find a new place so quickly, we decided that we should still go to Cambria. We got back last night, and now I just feel weird. Last week was so tumultuous, and I'm exhausted. It was great to have a break from it all, but I really didn't want to come home last night. My break wasn't long enough. It's hard to get back into the swing of things after vacation no matter what's going on in your life, but, right now, it's even harder.

I still maintain what I said in a post a few weeks ago - life is really really good right now. It really is. And I'm happy. But I feel a little lost right now. I've been reevaluating my life a lot lately - what I do every day, what I want, who I am, who I'd like to be, what I have to offer, what are my priorities. Right now, I don't have answers to all my questions, and that's unsettling to me. I like answers, and I like knowing. If I have a question, I don't rest until I find an answer. I'm relentless about that. But the answers I'm looking for can't be found by doing a Google search or reading a book. They take a bit more patience, a wait-and-see attitude.

I know I'll survive this season of my life. I know I'll find the answers I'm looking for. And I know that everything will work out for us. It always does. Despite all my uncertainty, fear, stress, and anxiety, deep down, I always know that God will take care of us. But what I really hope for right now is that I can respond to unexpected setbacks with faith, hope, and a calm mind. I want to make myself proud. I want to thrive during this fast-paced period of my life. Everything is moving and changing so quickly, and I want to keep up with it. I don't want to fight it. I don't want to get ahead of it. I just want to keep up and go with the flow.


  1. you are so insightful and smart. i love your goal of just being able to respond to how fast everything is moving and changing.

    and you two are a special couple. so you are being protected and cared for. :)

    love yous.

  2. wow, what an insane week! im so glad to hear that levi found a new job so quickly, that's awesome.

    i hear you about a house not being a haven. my husband and i found an adorable little 1 bed 1 bath house with a yard in a cool part of town that we loved and rented without really doing a great job of looking into it. turns out it didnt keep heat in (so MASSIVE bills), we couldnt get the smell of smoke or dog out no matter what we did, and it was completely infested with mice. NOT a nice place to go home to! needless to say, we got out of there as soon as possible. i hope that you're able to make your place as happy as you can!

    by the way, if you dont mind me asking, are you still going to school? or are you working now? i remember something about something but i cant remember what! lol

    all the best xx

  3. @Amie - hello! that house sounds like a nightmare. i wish there was some way you could test out houses/apartments before committing to them. to answer your question, i'm done with school, and i've had my current job for a year and a few months now. i work full time from home as an editor (mostly just copy editing).

  4. Wow. Stuff like that is not easy to deal with. I am sorry to hear you are having to deal with things like that, but I am glad that you are looking at differently. I know you don't really know me, but if you ever need a friend you know where I work ;) and I would be more than happy to lend an ear.

  5. i really admire your perspective, jasmine. i'm not sure i would have handled things as gracefully as you seem to have even with an initial freak out. that's a lot to handle in a short space of time.

    i lived in a pretty noxious area of harlem my first few years in nyc and my stress levels were through the roof almost any time i was outside of my apartment. short of spending all of my time downtown (i.e. far away from my neighborhood), i made a conscious effort to make my little apartment a personal haven -- a place that felt worlds away from my immediate surroundings. it wasn't perfect situation, but it helped me a great deal to know that i had a space all of my own to come home to when the life/my crazy neighbothood was getting me down.

    i'm so, so happy to hear that levi was offered a new job so quickly. i'm hoping and praying his future venture/project is a success. and i'm glad you got to take a break in cambria. sending love and good thoughts your way. xo

  6. oh man, things sound stressful, but also like they are falling into place nicely! Especially with Levi being offered the new job so quickly! I often react to similar situations in a freakout - so I hear what you are saying...sending positive energy and prayers your way!

    Oh and this little poem that a friend once sent to me when I was having some serious freakout stress because of all the uncertainty my husband and I were dealing with...I found its message very soothing and maybe you will like it too?

    Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart
    and try to love the questions themselves...
    Don't search for the answers,
    which could not be given to you now,
    because you will not be able to live them.
    And the point is, to live everything.
    Live the questions now.
    Perhaps then, someday far in the future,
    you will gradually, without even noticing it,
    live your way into the answer.

    - rainer maria rilke


  7. @M - I LOVE that poem. It's exactly the message that I need to hear right now. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. :)

  8. Wow, what good luck that ended up being! It's like God wanted you to know that he has a plan and it's going to work out. Everything is going to be great for you two. :)

  9. i love the outlook you have on this. God's got something great in store for you guys- i'll be praying!! just remember to take it one day at a time. xoxo

  10. What a week! I'm glad everything worked out though.

    I have that itch to move right now but I know it's better for us to stay put. I think we are going to do a little re-decorating as well :)

  11. I completely understand (and can relate) to the "lost" feeling you are experiencing. At least you have the love of your life by your side through all of this :)


  12. i can relate to some of the things you talked about in this post & i'm grateful for your honesty.

    i will pray for you two! hoping your home becomes a refuge & that you feel peace.

  13. wether or not you realize it jasmine, you are so inspiring! i like to read "real" blogs that don't sugar coat the life they lead. I suffer from the same impatience as you do, esp when it comes things like this. we just have to pray, remind ourselves to breathe, and remember everything we are blessed with. i know things will work out for you and levi. i admire your honesty so much!

  14. Isn't it interesting how things work out in life? My husband found a stable full time job after looking for a long time (we are both in the healthcare field) so for a while I was the only one with a steady income. It was a good income but he is applying to medical school which we found out is ridiculously expensive to do and we were trying to avoid taking out loans. So we needed another income. We were so happy when he got this job and we started saving for a new car etc. Well things started working out too well I guess because our house then got broken into which caused a lot of expenses, both our cars had to get safety and I/M with registration this year, and they both need new tires. We have been really stressed but at the same time, so thankful that all of this happened after we both had steady incomes!

    Thanks for sharing your story on your blog. I think it is always helpful to hear that other people are going through similar challanges! Everything will work out and be better than it was before :).

  15. My husband and I were recently apartment searching and HAD to be out of our apartment by a certain date, plus we have a baby on the way so we HAD to find a de-leaded place which is hard to do in Boston. We too found the perfect place and were denied for our credit (18 years olds with credit cards are the worst idea; agreed) and I was so upset and anxious and terrified we would never find a place. However, someone ended up calling us back on a place that we had figured we would never get and when we signed that lease and hung up our first picture in our new home all the anxiety and worry (without being able to take a xanax!) seemed like such a distant memory. I hope that you are able to make your current house a home (for now) and that it all works out for your husband and his job.

  16. What a week! I think changes (and especially unexpected ones) are always a little hard at the beginning. But just give it a little time, and I think you'll see things from a totally new light. Plus, your cozy home that you and Levi are creating together will make everything better.

  17. Jasmine!

    I was so sad to read about Levi losing his job. I'm so sorry about that:( and then I was really happy to read that he found another one (for now), that makes me really happy!!

    I can definitely relate to you with the bad credit/ having a hard time finding an apartment. Andre and I went through 20+ apartments before we were finally approved for the one we got. It was really hard trying to find someone who understood why we didn't have US credit. A real pain for us.

    I wish I had read this before:(
    I'm so sorry.

    You two are so strong. I know you will get through anything together. We really admire you as a couple, and we are so thankful and happy to be friends with you guys. You are in my happy thoughts, and I can't wait to have you guys over for dinner sometime soon.


  18. Sometimes, finding the bloggies can be really difficult, especially when you feel like you don't have much good to say, and you're freaking the eff out on the inside. I feel you, that's exactly how I have been lately. With the exception of posting about how I really feel about happiness, and a few music videos, my posting has been lacking.

    But, this past Friday, I decided that I love writing - I have always wanted to become a writer. Sometimes it not easy to put on a happy face and write about something aside from complaining - and that's part of the challenge.

    Things will always work themselves out, and it sounds like things are falling into place for you. I know I don't comment too often - but I hope you find your bloggy voice soon, cause I like reading the things you write =)


Thanks for commenting! Comment moderation is on so if you don't see your comment... that's why! :)

P.S. If you have a question, check back for a response in the comment field. Or you can click "subscribe by email" in the comments section for notification of new comments on this thread.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...