22 January, 2010

my new life


this shit is hard!

all this getting better business has been the most difficult thing i've ever had to do in my life.

having to suck it up and spend the bajillions of dollars on psychiatrist appointments, medication, weekly counseling sessions, blah, blah, blah is hard.

being patient with my results is hard.

relearning pretty much everything is hard.

i mean this stuff goes deep.

we now have a diagnosis for what is "wrong" with me. i have severe mood dysregulation...yes, that is what it is called & how it is spelled.

i am having to change my entire life to get better.

i even have to change my sleeping habits! i am seriously supposed to be going to bed before midnight. when my doctor told me this, my response was, "seriously? why??"

apparently it has to do with circadian rhythms and my body rhythms and regulating...stuff?

obviously, i don't totally understand, but the doctor says it must be. so it shall be.

i've even had to give up caffeine for the time being, and i really should be reducing my sugar intake. blah.

it's like starting over. it's like being a baby again, but with all these habits and all this baggage that babies don't have.

it's tough, and on the hard days, i really wish i didn't have to do this...or i at least wish that it wouldn't take so long. (can you tell i'm the world's most impatient person??)

but i'm getting through it. i know it's necessary. and i know i will have a better future because of all of this.

i could still use your prayers though.

:)




40 comments:

  1. just changing your sleeping habits alone will help tremendously! i got diagnosed with chronic insomnia and severe anxiety disorder all in the same year so i understand what you're going through with all of the appointments and medications. stick to what your doctor tells you & stay positive! :)

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  2. I am so glad you're okay. I prayed for you, and will continue to do so. God is so unbelievably good, and he will absolutely get you through this.
    Stay strong! (and even when you can't, God will be your strength). <3

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  3. love you, jasmine. feel better. :)

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  4. Jasmine, as someone who has gone through something slightly similar, know that this WILL get better. And patience isn't a virtue in my opinion. Patience just SUCKS! Haha, anyway...know that I am here for you, as I'm sure most of your blogosphere is.

    Email me if you need to talk. <3

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  5. good luck to you... maybe I'll start going to bed before midnight, lord knows I've got some mood issues myself!

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  6. My thoughts and prayers and good vibes go out to you. I know how tough it is to change your life. It will get better

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  7. wow.. this must be so intense for you jasmine. you are so brave! well, maybe you have no choice bUt to be brave. but you are absolutely rad in my books. which doesnt come naturally to everyone.
    good luck this week. sleeping before 12 (WHOA) and adjusting to new things. xo

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  8. You're in my thoughts Jasmine. I hope you feel better soon.

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  9. loved having coffee with you. love your thoughts on things. love how you're persevering in this.

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  10. I know it is a hard journey but you have decided that it is more painful where you are then to bloom and be healthy. It takes a lot for someone to make that change. Sadly too many people stay "sick". Be proud of yourself! I am proud of you. I can't wait for you to reap the benefits of your hard work. Hang in there!

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  11. I love sleep. I makes things seem so much better. Glad to hear your getting better bit by bit. Praying for grace and patience as you're working through everything!

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  12. I will keep you in my prayers! Change is really hard but it is so worth it.

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  13. I've been on a staying up late binge for a while myself. I've always been a night owl and I love the night. I'm my most creative at night and yet, I know that I'm more responsible and focused, when I go to sleep earlier and plan out my days (I live for spontaneity). But I recently got a mon-fri, 9-4 job. I think it will be good to have something to force me to plan and... SLEEP. It's crucial for our health. So I'll be working on it at the same time as you.

    I hope you start feeling some benefits from your changes soon. You can do it. You're in my thoughts and you're not alone. XO

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  14. you got this, girl! i'll keep you in my prayers :)

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  15. hello there! just found your blog and love it! you are hilarious and so darling. hope you dont mind me loving it! ps, i understand your pain. but it'll get better, and all that stuff does help. but i do have to say, through my experience going off the caffiene will be the worst! good luck sister.
    loves!
    britt
    brittnjacob.blogspot.com

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  16. going to bed before midnight is a wonderful idea. My best sleep is before midnight. loves

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  17. Been thinking about you lately -- sending lots of love your way!

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  18. again, i am so happy that you are taking proper care of yourself, your being super strong, i would love to hear where levi lies in all of this- is he being a good boy and supporting you 100%. i sure hope so. :)

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  19. definitely been thinkin about ya jasmine! you'll kick butt with this, don't worry :) we're all here for ya!

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  20. Hi Jasmine...

    You're on the right track, girl! Even though it may be hard at first... it WILL get easier.. the things we're used to doing and have to change or give up all together.. After a few weeks or so... it all becomes easier.
    I gave up coffee/caffeine two weeks ago tomorrow - along with sugar, flour and all processed foods! Not for the same reasons, but for my over all health... I KNOW it's HARD at first!
    I'm convinced that once your body/brain get into this new "mode" - you will begin to feel a lot better..
    You're doing great so keep it up! We're all here to support you! Sending prayers, good energy and hugs your way!!

    Namaste,
    Leesa

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  21. it will all get better one step at a time. your're def. in my prayers!
    have a happy weekend

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  22. you got it girl! i wish you the very best of luck. you have an enormous amount of strength to have come this far! sending positive thoughts & prayers your way!

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  23. Thank you for not being afraid to share. You're awesome! And I appreciate it.

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  24. hey jasmine. I haven't been on your blog in soo long. that makes me sad, but I'm glad that you are on the road to getting you together. I will definitely keep you in my prayers!

    lots of love to you.

    xoxo

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  25. We're all rooting for you! Be strong. We know you can do this.

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  26. I can't imagine how difficult this is, but in the end it will all be worth it! we <3 you, jasmine!

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  27. Oddly enough I'm going through almost the same thing and you're right...it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Good luck with everything, I really know how hard it is, and know that I'm praying for you!

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  28. i would like to make a recommendation.
    mainly because i went through something very similar (starting in may 09).

    focus on the positive. focus on the great things in your life. be grateful for the things that make you happy. make a list, take pictures, anything. even try out http://www.gratitudelog.com.

    it really does make a world of difference.

    good luck!

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  29. With you all the way Jasmine x

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  30. I am wishing you the strength to continue your path. It is not easy all the time and I have sympathy for you. I went through something similar and it is not fun, but the "other side" is a great place to be. You'll do fine and feel all the rewards!!

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  31. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I love you Jasmine, and I can't wait till you come back full time.

    xoxo

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  32. i'm so happy you are getting through it. i have been thinking about you and hope you are doing well.
    good luck with it all.

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  33. I hope you get better soon, I believe you will. Take heart my thoughts are with you!!!

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  34. It'll get better. Just hang tight.
    You're fantastic.
    And I'll pray for sure.

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  35. Hi Jasmine, Great to see an update! Just take it one day at a time! All your readers are rooting for you! :)

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  36. i am so glad to hear that you are getting better, and although it is hard, i'm sure that taking these steps will make the rest of your life wonderful!

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  37. i hope you are feeling better and i'm glad you are sharing your experience! you go brave girl! :)

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  38. thinking of you jasmine. you are so amazing!!!!!!! xoxoxo

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  39. Wow tough! I worry about you all the time though. I guess because I am kind of going through something similar and I know how you might feel. Things have been getting better for me though. I didn't tell my doctor about my mood swings and anxiety because I didn't want to take medication for it but I am taking some new vitamins that have been working. You are in my prayers though.

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