06 July, 2012

Holding Pattern



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Lately, I've felt like I'm kind of stuck in a holding pattern. Levi and I both feel like we're on the verge of some big changes (besides the obvious little addition coming this fall!), so we're really trying to focus on spending this waiting period being faithful and patient... without grumbling. I find myself having to continuously reset my mind throughout the day to remind myself to put my trust and hope in God and the things He has planned for us... even if I don't really know what all those things are just yet! I really strongly believe that big changes are coming, and that's really exciting!! But in the meantime, life is just a little bit boring.

And when I get bored, I am seized by an inability to be productive or to do anything really. It's like I become physically incapacitated, and I just sit around staring at things all day. This isn't a new development for me; this is something I've struggled with my whole life. Some days, I have absolutely no idea where my time went... probably into the black hole that is my iPhone (sometimes I seriously wish I could throw that thing off a pier or that the Internet would suddenly cease to exist).

So today, as I was sitting on my bed in my bathrobe, staring at things, feeling really really tired, I decided to get my butt up and put some clothes on. Then I drove myself to See's Candy for some dark California brittle and a lemon truffle (my current obsession). I took myself to my old college campus (CSU Long Beach), found a parking spot, bought myself a Diet Coke (why on earth I wanted a Diet Coke is beyond me... I never drink that stuff), and wandered around for an hour. There's something about being on-campus that I really love. Levi and I sometimes go there just to walk around when we can't think of anything else to do. I guess it's the eternal student in me. Anyway, it was really nice. And it somehow managed to make me feel a little bit productive. I didn't really produce anything, but I moved my body, and I soaked up some sunshine, and I'm constantly growing this baby, so it was good.  I feel good. And I feel happy to wait for all the big and small things coming up.


14 comments:

  1. :) this makes me smile...and want a diet coke! weird!

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    1. See? The power of suggestion is STRONG. I think that's what made me want the Diet Coke too!

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  2. If you would like I could give your Iphone to the boy and let him suck on it. He likes to destroy phones that way.

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    1. Hahahaha! Thank you, Zachary That's super helpful!

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  3. I feel you completely. I quit Joanns in early December so we could focus on starting a family, and most of my days are spent the same way. Andy goes to work and my time just gets sucked up doing nothing. I've been trying to go out to some local thrift stores and do my grocery shopping at least once a week... or I would just live out my days in this dark hole of a condo.

    It has been tough getting motivation to do anything, but when I do I totally surprise myself. I have to just make a goal of doing SOMETHING every single day.

    Has your belly "popped" yet? Mine totally has and I am milking it for all its worth :)

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    1. It's getting there! I think I look WAY more pregnant, but people still can't tell. Hmmph. I think in the next couple weeks, I'll start showing a lot more. My mom said it always took her a long time to show too (she started showing at about 6 months). I think I'll be the same way. I wish I looked more pregnant, but at least I can wear normal clothes for longer. And I probably won't have toooooo much baby weight to lose after. Fingers crossed!!! :)

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  4. I have the same problem when I get bored. my husband hates it because I get in a weird kind of funk where everything he suggests I/we do, I almost always shoot it down. which, ends up making my funk even worse. it's like a never-ending cycle! luckily for me tho, I've got a little boy that refuses to let me get bored. c;

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    1. That's one of the things I'm looking forward to most about having a child. I'll no longer have the option to sit around and do nothing!

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  5. I think I know what you mean...although my major upcoming event is the bar exam, and I'm pretty sure having a baby sounds like a way better/more fun plan. But any big event totally does make the intervening time feel super draggy.

    Btw, I had emailed you for dance class recommendations around Belmont Shore, and I just wanted to say thanks for your help! I'm excited to see if I can sneak my way into some CSULB classes when we move back in a few weeks.

    Thanks!
    Julie

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  6. I react much the same way to the sense of impending change. Kind of like I know things are going to be shaken up (hopefully for the awesome) so I want to just be still and not do anything too crazy in the here and now :)

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  7. I am so the same way... right now even! Except I'm not waiting on child... I don't really know what I'm waiting on. Haha, oh well! :) I love it when you can find stuff to do that really turns your mood around... it's so fun :)

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  8. i am the same way--i am so impatient, i can't wait for novemeber and to meet my little baby but it seems such a long way away :)

    and i know about doing nothing productive with your day at the moment the hours seem to disappear without me knowing how i spent them and having nothing to show for it--really should try and do more.

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  9. your blog is just lovely, girl! and it's true, sometimes just walking around a school campus can bring back all that excitement and scholarly feel :)
    xo TJ

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