change change change

i'm having a mild freak-out right now.

there is SO much change swirling around us, and it's awesome. so many good things are happening. it's exciting!

but everything feels like it's changing right now, and that freaks me out.

i'm scared.

sometimes it feels safer for everything and everyone to just stay the same. but then how would anyone ever learn or grow?

for example, my mom is in the process of finding a new place to live, and i just found out that my little sister might not be going with her. this scares the crap out of me!! i worry about her so much already. i just want her to be happy and safe and to never feel any hurt, disappointment, or regret. but that's just ridiculous. how will she ever grow as a person if she never makes any mistakes? and it's not like i can keep her from making mistakes anyway. and this might not even be a mistake! maybe it's the best thing for her! i don't know. i just want to control it all.

i want everything and everyone to do exactly what i think is best, so that i can keep everyone from getting hurt or making mistakes. i want everything to be perfect, so that we can all stay safe and happy. i want to protect my little world. i guess i sometimes see change as a threat to my little world. it's unpredictable. i might not like it. i might want things the way they used to be.

this is how i've always been. i've always simultaneously needed change and hated change. i'm such a gemini. i think i believe that every single thing that's scaring me right now is all for the better. i think all these things are improvements. for me and everyone involved.

and even if they're not improvements, even if some of these decision turn out to be mistakes, so what? can't we all recover from mistakes? the love i have for my family is strong enough to conquer any of these things. the love i have for my husband is strong enough to survive the risks we're taking right now. i am strong enough to handle anything that comes my way. i doubt my strength every single day, but my doubt has been proven wrong countless times. sooner or later, i'm just going to have to start having more faith in God, in my family, and in myself. the sooner i get to that place, the happier i will be.

no more freak-outs for today. everything is going to be just fine.

my job

this is what a typical work day looks like for me:

if you look at my computer in this photo, you can see that i've gotten sidetracked from my work... ;)

lots of sunshine, lots of sitting on the couch, lots of watching kitties grooming themselves

working from home is great. i can wear pajamas. i can work anytime i want. i have the luxury of a flexible schedule.

but some of those benefits also become drawbacks. being able to work in my pajamas means that i pretty much ONLY work in my pajamas. i don't really like sitting on the couch all the time. and forcing myself to get my work done feels like torture sometimes. when you have the option of working whenever you want, it can be difficult to actually SIT DOWN and DO IT. it's really easy to put it off and do something else instead.

with that said, i DEFINITELY wouldn't trade working from home for an office job. no way. no how. i've got it made. it's also been really good for me to learn some more discipline. since i'm the one in charge of my schedule, i've really had to crack down on myself to get things done. i think this is making me a better person and allowing me to improve myself in an area where i sometimes lack - sticking with things and self-discipline.

also, i get to hang out with gretel and lily all day! they're pretty good office mates.

abbot kinney photo shoot

last monday, levi and i met up with kim and her boyfriend, andre, in venice for a little photo shoot.

we had soooooo much fun hanging out with them all day and having our picture taken! i usually hate having my picture taken, but kim and andre made the whole experience really fun and lighthearted.

it didn't hurt that we were in the most beautiful neighborhood. levi and i decided that we're going to move there in about a year. seriously. we really are. i'm very very excited.

but annnnnnyway, kim posted the photos on her blog today!!! and we love them.

here are a few, and you can find the rest here:

we had so much fun. thank you, kim & andre! we can't wait to hang out again!

(kim's post of the photo shoot, with more photos, here)

i'm getting redundant.

i know i just posted a video from tune yards on friday.... but i like this too.

it's the same song (bizness), but it's live.

levi and i were curious what they would sound like live, so we watched.

and 1 minute and 24 seconds in, we were searching their show dates.

and about 5 minutes later, we had secured ourselves places at the 25 june show at the troubador!!!

SO EXCITED!!!!!!! we haven't been to a show in so long, and this one promises to be amazing. i can't wait!

amazing.

i'm in love with this.

obsessed.

watch this a few times over the weekend, and it should be a good one. :)