21 July, 2012
First of all, our Internet is down right now, so I'm writing this from the Blogger app on my phone... we'll see how it goes...
So, yes, I do realize that the title of this post is really stating the obvious. Of course, I love my husband. I loved him yesterday, I love him today, and I'll love him tomorrow. After all, that's what I agreed to in our marriage vows. But sometimes I feel an extra surge of love and appreciation for him. I know love isn't necessarily a feeling, but isn't that love feeling nice? Don't you like when it strikes? I know I won't have that feeling every day (I've already learned this from experience), but I hope to always value that feeling, to work hard at creating space for that feeling, and to give Levi more opportunities to have that feeling for me. Lord knows I don't always make it easy.
Yesterday morning was a tough one for me. It was the fifth consecutive day of being woken up by jackhammers at 7:00 in the morning right outside our bedroom window. Closing our windows hasn't really helped... those things may as well be made of paper. Plus, it gets really hot when we close them. And on top of the jackhammers, I don't sleep very well these days even when it's quiet. Most nights, I wake up about every 20-30 minutes. I usually have to go to the bathroom (God bless this little girl who sleeps on my bladder) and flip over... with my mountains of pillows. My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, and what I wouldn't give to be able to sleep on my stomach or back again!!!
So, I was at my wit's end on Friday morning, listening to those jackhammers tearing up the sidewalk as Levi somehow managed to fall back asleep. I wanted to be somewhere far far away. I actually spent a good chunk of that morning crying over the fact that I didn't live in San Francisco yet (specifically, Mill Valley) and that I didn't know the next time I'd get to visit. I felt homesick for a place I'd never lived. I felt frustrated and fed up and TIRED.
Levi only had one client scheduled for later in the day, so our plans had been to spend the day doing mountains of laundry at the laundromat. That was the last thing on the planet I wanted to do that morning. What I wanted was to ditch my life in Long Beach and hop on the next plane for San Francisco. But I figured I could settle for a cup of Peruvian sipping chocolate and some pain au chocolat. This may not sound like much, but it actually required a trip down to Costa Mesa... we don't know anywhere to get sipping chocolate in Long Beach... and I won't eat pain au chocolat here. Nobody gets the pastry right, and the chocolate is always too sweet.
So, my sweet, loving husband who really needed some clean shirts and underwear happily opted to spend his morning down in Orange County indulging his wife's silly need for chocolate. It may not sound like much to anyone else, but it meant the world to me. I really needed that time (and that chocolate) on Friday morning. And Levi's willingness to cheerfully sacrifice his own needs to make me happy definitely gave me all the love feelings.
And you know what? We had SUCH a good day. By the time we got to the bakery, the pain au chocolat had JUST been placed on a cooling rack. There aren't many things as delicious as fresh, warm pastry with a healthy dose of bittersweet chocolate. My mom even joined us for breakfast. That afternoon, I ended up hanging out at the salon in the lovely air conditioning while Levi did his one client's hair, then we headed home to lounge around in bed with the ceiling fan on, feeling the baby kick and playing Radiohead on headphones for her for the first time (she was going crazy for 15 Step in there). In the evening, we took a walk to get some cold drinks, and we watched Jeff, Who Lives at Home with all the lights off and all the windows wide open.
We never ended up doing the laundry, but sometimes the laundry can wait.
13 July, 2012
The summer issue of The Violet is live! This is our second summer issue... it's crazy to me that we've already been doing this for more than a year! It's been really amazing to be a part of this publication and to see how it has evolved from the beginning. At The Violet, we believe that everyone can live a happy and beautiful life, and I think this issue will inspire you to do just that.
Go check it out, enjoy it, and let us know what you think!
Go check it out, enjoy it, and let us know what you think!
06 July, 2012
Lately, I've felt like I'm kind of stuck in a holding pattern. Levi and I both feel like we're on the verge of some big changes (besides the obvious little addition coming this fall!), so we're really trying to focus on spending this waiting period being faithful and patient... without grumbling. I find myself having to continuously reset my mind throughout the day to remind myself to put my trust and hope in God and the things He has planned for us... even if I don't really know what all those things are just yet! I really strongly believe that big changes are coming, and that's really exciting!! But in the meantime, life is just a little bit boring.
And when I get bored, I am seized by an inability to be productive or to do anything really. It's like I become physically incapacitated, and I just sit around staring at things all day. This isn't a new development for me; this is something I've struggled with my whole life. Some days, I have absolutely no idea where my time went... probably into the black hole that is my iPhone (sometimes I seriously wish I could throw that thing off a pier or that the Internet would suddenly cease to exist).
So today, as I was sitting on my bed in my bathrobe, staring at things, feeling really really tired, I decided to get my butt up and put some clothes on. Then I drove myself to See's Candy for some dark California brittle and a lemon truffle (my current obsession). I took myself to my old college campus (CSU Long Beach), found a parking spot, bought myself a Diet Coke (why on earth I wanted a Diet Coke is beyond me... I never drink that stuff), and wandered around for an hour. There's something about being on-campus that I really love. Levi and I sometimes go there just to walk around when we can't think of anything else to do. I guess it's the eternal student in me. Anyway, it was really nice. And it somehow managed to make me feel a little bit productive. I didn't really produce anything, but I moved my body, and I soaked up some sunshine, and I'm constantly growing this baby, so it was good. I feel good. And I feel happy to wait for all the big and small things coming up.