31 August, 2012

Oh, Pregnancy.



Hello! Remember me? I'm the one who used to update this blog with posts. Hi, how've you been?

I have not disappeared, and nothing's wrong. I just don't have much to say anymore... or I don't know how to say it. I'm not sure. Every time I start to write something or I take a picture, I end up not liking it  and giving up. Let's just blame it on pregnancy brain and the fact that I'm in my third trimester during a heat wave that is slowly sucking the life out of me. I hate heat. HATE IT. Always have, always will.

I am now 30+ weeks pregnant... 

30 weeks
(by the way, these are basically the only three outfits I wear anymore... nothing fits!)

Less than ten weeks 'til my due date!! We're still waiting to find out if I'll have to have a C-section due to a few little things going on, so our daughter could potentially be here in just under nine weeks (that's just insane). I'm really not worried about the prospect of having to have a C-section. I don't care about the method of childbirth as long as it's the safest way to get this baby girl out. I really can't wait to meet her. I wish she could come today... but there's still SO much to do that it's good to have this little bit of remaining time.

I've been pretty stressed and somewhat miserable. These are some other reasons my online presence has dwindled over the last few months. If I were blogging or tweeting more right now, most of the things coming out of my mouth would probably be complaints. I'm just not a big fan of being pregnant! I know some women absolutely love it and feel fantastic... I wish I was one of those women, but I'm just not. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I am SO much slower now in every way (physically and mentally), and I find this really frustrating. My body hurts all the time. It's amazing to me that I can wake up with feet that feel like they've spent the last 12 hours walking around Disneyland! How is that possible?? And my entire back hurts constantly. On the bright side, my insurance covers visits to the chiropractor (which includes pre-natal massage!!!!). This has been SUCH a huge blessing and has helped me so much. I go every week. And every time I'm in that office, I praise God for the opportunity. Every pregnant woman should get to have weekly adjustments and massage.

As far as stress goes... ugh. I won't get into it too much. Levi and I are just really really struggling financially. We're behind on everything, and there are so many things we still need to feel prepared for the baby. We're really trying to keep baby stuff to the minimum, but we still need things in other parts of our life in order for this transition to go smoothly. I feel like I'm in nesting/preparation mode without the ability or means to nest and prepare, and it's frustrating. My ever-expanding body also stresses me out. I feel so fat, and I keep worrying that I'll never get to wear any of my cute clothes again. This sounds so trivial and ridiculous, but it really does trouble me. "Will I ever be skinny again???" runs through my head several times a day.

Even though I probably sound really negative right now, I'm still very hopeful that everything will work out. God always provides for us. Always always always. And this time won't be any different. Our faith is being tested in major ways, but I know it's not for nothing. I know God is doing something in us right now - training us, preparing us, protecting us, teaching us. I'm not sure what exactly He's got going on, but I know He's up to something. And that's really exciting to think about. And I know that no matter what happens between now and little Miss Myers's birthday, I'm going to have a beautiful, perfect daughter at the end of this. I'm going to be a mother, and Levi will be a father. And we are going to kick ASS at those jobs. I can't wait to see how this changes us. I can't wait to see what we do. I can't wait to see Levi holding his baby for the first time. I already know that my love for him will grow exponentially watching him become a father, and that thrills me beyond words. I'm really excited to fall in love with my daughter, but I might be even more excited to fall in love more deeply with my husband and to see how this strengthens our marriage.

I can't wait to become a little family of three. Three is a great number. I think we're gonna really like it.


22 comments:

  1. Girl, I feel like this post could be taken right out my mouth and written down on my own blog. It's crazy how many things I found myself nodding along and saying "yep" to.

    I totally feel you on the financial crunch as well. We're sweating making ends meet now with the huge increase in medical bills on top of everything else we owe. I have NO idea how we're going to pay to for daycare and yet, there's now way we could swing it right now with me not working. I hate that money has caused more stress on what should be a joyous time. I've even thought to myself.. "man, did we get pregnant at the right time? was this a mistake?" That was a few months ago when my hormones were ALL over the place, and feeling like crap 90% of this pregnancy. Luckily I'm feeling so much better about life, and I too feel God's hand in things that it will somehow/someway work itself out. Hell, if 15 year old girls with babies make it work, then surely someone twice their age can too right? :)

    And whoa.. sorry for the word vomit. Bottom line, I "get" what you're saying, lady! (and thanks for being my pregnancy tweet buddy! It's great to know someone else is craving the same thing or feeling the same thing!) :)

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    1. No, don't be sorry for the "word vomit!" I love hearing that other people have similar feelings and are in similar situations. It seriously makes me feel better. And I'm happy to have you as a pregnancy tweet buddy too. :)

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  2. I hated pregnancy too. Like, so much. Granted, my pregnancy was unplanned and there was a lot of emotional negativity surrounding it, but I think I would have hated it anyway. I was soooo sick, so sore, so huge, so tired, etc etc. But motherhood is the greatest journey in the world. You're going to love it.

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  3. hey lady, you look super cute in those pictures up there!

    hang in there, the end is near. and i hear ya on the complaints. i was definitely a complainer during my pregnancy too. c; heck, i still complain sometimes! (espeically about my post-pregnancy bod but that's no one's fault but my own!)

    thinking of you during your stressful time.

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  4. i've never been pregnant. but boy have i been broke. i'm broke right now! it aches everywhere knowing that the things you need--and even the things you simply *want*--are so far out of reach that it can feel really, really heavy.

    but, having read your blog for a few years now, i know you'll pull through. you're honest with your feelings and your emotional standing, as well as your body and heart. i think that's why you're always able to pull through. that honesty conquers all! it's not normal to be happy or feel beautiful all the time--it's human to have hard times and bad days and no blog updates. and i think that's why i love reading your blog: you're a real person.

    and, as someone who has provided considerable daycare to her single-mother-sister's little boy the last three years, i can say that without-a-doubt, things will work out. the people in your life are there for you--and it's okay to need them, and tell them your pains.

    thanks for posting, jasmine.

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment, Haley. It really truly means a lot to me... I've re-read it a few times already. :)

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  5. My first pregnancy was REALLY tough on me too and I was a HUGE complainer. In my opinion, a pregnant woman should be able to complain 24/7 and get whatever she wants. That is the one time in life where everything is just HARD. We had our first (surprise!) During finals week in my husbands 3rd year of graduate school and between the two of us we were working 4 jobs to make ends meet. It sucked and I was exhausted and worried about being thin again but looking back now I almost have to laugh. Things WILL work out. You and your little family will be just fine and find happiness in things that don't cost a dime. Bless your heart you overheated pregnant woman! Lord knows it isn't easy!

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    1. Oh wow. That sounds REALLY hard. But your experience and attitude give me a lot of hope for my own situation, so thank you for this comment! And I totally agree - pregnant women should get whatever they want! ;)

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  6. I feel you. 30 weeks today. I have not stopped sweating this summer. My back has killed me in the same spot since the moment I became pregnant. Also weight... Holy crap wtf? Where did it all even come from? My body packed on 10 lbs the instant I was prego and I haven't changed my eating habits at all ( cravings?). Let's just say I'm not one of those cute pregnant ladies, but I've managed to find clothes that don't make me look like the sweaty pregnant fatty that I feel like.
    All of that being said... I have still managed to be happy 98% of the time and I really haven't hated being pregnant. My husband has no idea what pregnant hormones could be doing to him (save those for the next pregnancy I guess). I can't wait to meet my little dude!

    You arent alone in your feelings, and at the end of all this we wind up with something pretty great. And for what it's worth you look adorable in those pictures!

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  7. Congratulations! Hope everything will be fine and I know you can make it.


    Regards,
    Gynecologist Tucson AZ

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  8. Oh you are so wonderful and beautiful. I just love you.

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  9. What a perfect post. I'm so glad that someone is finally telling pregnancy like it is. And those photos of you are so beautiful -- my favorite is the middle one. I love that outfit! Everything will work out (I know you know that), and in a few weeks you'll be holding your new daughter and it will all be worth it. Love you!

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    1. Do you ever watch Family Guy? The middle photo is me doing my impression of Stewie improving birth. Haha!

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  10. i know exactly what you mean, we all have those days. today has been one of those days, my back has hurt all day, my feet ache and i didn't do the one thing i was supposed to do.

    but then i try to remember how this an amazing experience and i should try and make the most of it...but trying to remember that sometimes is hard ;)

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  11. Jasmine - I hear you on all of these complaints. I HATED being pregnant, and I felt so guilty that I didn't have 100% positive thoughts all of the time. Of course, now that she's 10 weeks old, I can hardly remember what being pregnant felt like, and it was all worth it. You're almost there! And your perfect baby girl is going to make you so happy!

    Also, Joe and I have a lot of extra baby stuff (a Boppy, clothes, etc.) if you find yourself in need. I'd love to be able to pass it on to someone who can use it instead of keeping it in storage for years on the off-chance that we have another girl. Is it weird that I'm offering this considering we only met once? Hopefully not. ;)

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  12. 3 is a magic number. I haven't experienced pregnancy (not even close!!) so can't imagine what you're going through. It will all be worth it, it HAS to be! I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  13. Beautifully put in the last paragraph or two! You have pretty much listed every fear I have about being pregnant - that I'm going to be flat out miserable the entire time... Thankfully we're not to that point quite yet. Can't wait to hear more about your little one when she gets here!

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  14. I used to live in Seal Beach (live in San Francisco now) and if I still lived there I would come over every day and help you out however you needed me. Just know that I am thinking about you and also know that your life will get better and better through every challenge that comes your way.

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  15. You know... I came into work thinking about you today. Kind of strange... just out of nowhere. Then bam! I see I missed this post. It will all work out, trust that. It always does! We moved into a place that made it easier for us to survive and was closer to family 2 months after Elle was born... and miraculously found a renter for our home at the same point. I stressed my entire pregnancy about it. Keep the faith sister! He will pull through for you! <3 Thinking of you!

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    1. Somehow I didn't see this comment until today! Thank you so much. :) It really makes me feel better knowing that other people have also been in stressful situations while pregnant yet everything worked out. I KNOW it will work out. I know it. I just forget... very frequently. And I want to know HOW it will work out. This whole thing is definitely building patience in me!! Not fun! ;)

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  16. Sometimes not knowing God's plan - even though you know He has one - is the hardest! Praying for you and your little family!

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