21 July, 2012
First of all, our Internet is down right now, so I'm writing this from the Blogger app on my phone... we'll see how it goes...
So, yes, I do realize that the title of this post is really stating the obvious. Of course, I love my husband. I loved him yesterday, I love him today, and I'll love him tomorrow. After all, that's what I agreed to in our marriage vows. But sometimes I feel an extra surge of love and appreciation for him. I know love isn't necessarily a feeling, but isn't that love feeling nice? Don't you like when it strikes? I know I won't have that feeling every day (I've already learned this from experience), but I hope to always value that feeling, to work hard at creating space for that feeling, and to give Levi more opportunities to have that feeling for me. Lord knows I don't always make it easy.
Yesterday morning was a tough one for me. It was the fifth consecutive day of being woken up by jackhammers at 7:00 in the morning right outside our bedroom window. Closing our windows hasn't really helped... those things may as well be made of paper. Plus, it gets really hot when we close them. And on top of the jackhammers, I don't sleep very well these days even when it's quiet. Most nights, I wake up about every 20-30 minutes. I usually have to go to the bathroom (God bless this little girl who sleeps on my bladder) and flip over... with my mountains of pillows. My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, and what I wouldn't give to be able to sleep on my stomach or back again!!!
So, I was at my wit's end on Friday morning, listening to those jackhammers tearing up the sidewalk as Levi somehow managed to fall back asleep. I wanted to be somewhere far far away. I actually spent a good chunk of that morning crying over the fact that I didn't live in San Francisco yet (specifically, Mill Valley) and that I didn't know the next time I'd get to visit. I felt homesick for a place I'd never lived. I felt frustrated and fed up and TIRED.
Levi only had one client scheduled for later in the day, so our plans had been to spend the day doing mountains of laundry at the laundromat. That was the last thing on the planet I wanted to do that morning. What I wanted was to ditch my life in Long Beach and hop on the next plane for San Francisco. But I figured I could settle for a cup of Peruvian sipping chocolate and some pain au chocolat. This may not sound like much, but it actually required a trip down to Costa Mesa... we don't know anywhere to get sipping chocolate in Long Beach... and I won't eat pain au chocolat here. Nobody gets the pastry right, and the chocolate is always too sweet.
So, my sweet, loving husband who really needed some clean shirts and underwear happily opted to spend his morning down in Orange County indulging his wife's silly need for chocolate. It may not sound like much to anyone else, but it meant the world to me. I really needed that time (and that chocolate) on Friday morning. And Levi's willingness to cheerfully sacrifice his own needs to make me happy definitely gave me all the love feelings.
And you know what? We had SUCH a good day. By the time we got to the bakery, the pain au chocolat had JUST been placed on a cooling rack. There aren't many things as delicious as fresh, warm pastry with a healthy dose of bittersweet chocolate. My mom even joined us for breakfast. That afternoon, I ended up hanging out at the salon in the lovely air conditioning while Levi did his one client's hair, then we headed home to lounge around in bed with the ceiling fan on, feeling the baby kick and playing Radiohead on headphones for her for the first time (she was going crazy for 15 Step in there). In the evening, we took a walk to get some cold drinks, and we watched Jeff, Who Lives at Home with all the lights off and all the windows wide open.
We never ended up doing the laundry, but sometimes the laundry can wait.