Hello! I'm still not in a very "bloggy" place right now, but I did want to pop in and say hello and give a little update. So, last post I said that we needed to move to get rid of a lot of stress in our lives. I can't really explain what that means because I don't know who reads my blog, but I will say that it's mostly to do with noise and vandalism. Our home doesn't feel like a retreat. Instead of going home to relax and de-stress, it feels like our home is actually making us anxious and stressed out.
We ended up finding an apartment that I completely fell in love with. It was exactly what we were looking for, so we applied. And we didn't get it. This was pretty heartbreaking to me. We had to wait four days to find out (which felt like an eternity), and I really got my hopes up. It felt like it was my fault that we didn't get it because I don't have good credit (I really screwed up when I was younger... getting my first credit card at 18 is one of my hugest regrets).
So, I came up with a new game plan. As much as I wanted to move and get a fresh start in a quieter, more peaceful place, I never felt sure that we were doing the right thing. Usually, I have a really good gut feeling when something is right or wrong for me... not that moving is necessarily a matter of right or wrong, but this time it felt like it was. I decided that the right thing for us right now was to stay put, make the best of the place we're in, and make some plans for the future. The night we found out we didn't get the apartment, we completely redecorated our bathroom (actually, we didn't really redecorate... it was never decorated to begin with), and we're planning on redoing the living room too. We want to make this place as peaceful and as relaxing as possible. We also decided to get away for the weekend to Cambria. I found a really great hotel deal and booked it. The prospect of some peace and quiet made us both feel really hopeful.
Sooooo, there's more. Last Tuesday was the day we found out we didn't get the apartment and the day I decided we needed to stay put. On Thursday night, Levi lost his job.
I completely FREAKED out. Like I felt like I lost my mind and like I needed to go to an asylum. I was so terrified, but one of the first things I thought was, "Thank you, God that we didn't get that apartment." Randomly, we had plans that night with someone in the hair industry. She had actually been wanting to talk to Levi about a future prospect. It felt like God had lined it all up perfectly. Too bad I never feel like that in the moment... instead, I lose my mind and freak out.
Levi found a new salon to work at the very next day. The rent is $200 per week cheaper, and it's even closer to our house than the last salon. It's a temporary spot because he has something incredible in the works that we're hoping and praying works out by the end of the year.
Since he was able to find a new place so quickly, we decided that we should still go to Cambria. We got back last night, and now I just feel weird. Last week was so tumultuous, and I'm exhausted. It was great to have a break from it all, but I really didn't want to come home last night. My break wasn't long enough. It's hard to get back into the swing of things after vacation no matter what's going on in your life, but, right now, it's even harder.
I still maintain what I said in a post a few weeks ago - life is really really good right now. It really is. And I'm happy. But I feel a little lost right now. I've been reevaluating my life a lot lately - what I do every day, what I want, who I am, who I'd like to be, what I have to offer, what are my priorities. Right now, I don't have answers to all my questions, and that's unsettling to me. I like answers, and I like knowing. If I have a question, I don't rest until I find an answer. I'm relentless about that. But the answers I'm looking for can't be found by doing a Google search or reading a book. They take a bit more patience, a wait-and-see attitude.
I know I'll survive this season of my life. I know I'll find the answers I'm looking for. And I know that everything will work out for us. It always does. Despite all my uncertainty, fear, stress, and anxiety, deep down, I always know that God will take care of us. But what I really hope for right now is that I can respond to unexpected setbacks with faith, hope, and a calm mind. I want to make myself proud. I want to thrive during this fast-paced period of my life. Everything is moving and changing so quickly, and I want to keep up with it. I don't want to fight it. I don't want to get ahead of it. I just want to keep up and go with the flow.